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Our series of true dating stories continues with today’s essay by Jen Doll. Why was it that being clever and sarcastic and keeping people on their toes was more “acceptable” than asserting what you wanted and letting the possible dates sort themselves into those who wanted the same things, and those who would walk away and wish you well? This idea of knowing what you wanted and actually saying it, it was scary — but it resonated. I wanted someone who knows himself, a good driver (I’ve ridden with too many bad ones), a person who was aligned with me politically.After going through a rough break up, she turned to a therapist for support. For so long, I’d accepted the guys who liked me first, who seemed like they might get me , and I’d tried to make myself fit around them, to make us work. I also bragged about being able to ski on one ski — sometimes you’ve got to be a little bit funny while also tooting your own horn. Jen Doll has written for The Atlantic, Elle, New York Magazine, The New York Times Book Review and other publications.But what she didn’t expect was for him to become her dating coach. You reel them in with jokes and then…” He continued to stare at me blankly. And if someone didn’t get that, that was OK with me. “You have to tell me about all the messages that come in,” said my friend, pleased with our work. She is also the author of Save the Date, a memoir about what she learned about relationships, friendship, marriage, love and herself after attending 17 weddings.
Here's what the professionals have to say about the ideal length of time to date.
Another more recent study published by researchers from Emory University following three thousand couples found that those who dated three or more years were 39 percent less likely to get divorced than those who dated less than a year.
Couples that dated for two years were 20 percent less likely to split.
You see, I've always had this two year rule in my mind for how long I want to date someone before we get married. After twenty-four months together, you usually know whether your partner is someone you could really commit to—forever.
But a lot of my friends have been getting married with fewer than this magical two years under their belts, and it's making me second-guess my rule. Does it really matter at all how long you date before you get married?